


Back To The Start

by lalez



Category: S.W.A.T. (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-24 17:20:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30075642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lalez/pseuds/lalez
Summary: The truth will set you free. But what is freedom, what is happiness and how can you find both? The road ahead is foggy and has some twists and turns for Chris and Street. Sequel to Final Nail
Relationships: Chris Alonso/Kira/Ty, jim street & chris alonso





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Final Nail](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22418350) by [lalez](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lalez/pseuds/lalez). 



> Welcome to the (long-awaited ?) sequel to Final Nail please read that first or ignore your urge to yell at me at first. (- My test reader had trouble following this without reading). This story is prewritten but needs some proofreading along the way. Yes, I am procrastinating on my other projects :)

Chris is sitting in her truck. Her fingers are drumming on the dash and she is choking back tears. She is angry at Street for keeping silent but even more at herself for ignoring her gut. She thought it was weird. Her thoughts drift back to that evening when she was so beat from the day, she asked Ty to stay in. He had been pretty quick to accommodate her wish. But that wasn't what bothered her right now.

The way Street had decided to not tell her about Kira, to never tell that was what rattled her.

Chris swipes angrily at the wet stains on her face. She can't drive to them right now, even if she wants to scream at them. What was that? Why would Kira even go out with Street? Why did no one think to tell her?

She starts the car and drives to her own place. Chris savors the quiet and familiarity before she frowns at the boxes she had already prepared.

In her head, she knows she won't be packing anything. Not before she has some answers but at the same time, she still isn't sure she really wants those answers.

What if that is normal for them? To always have more than one "third" in the mix? Chris stumbles a little over that. She can't imagine Street agreeing to that, well not with a second man in the mix anyway. She can't help the small smile at the memory of his first reaction to Ty and Kira.

Chris shakes her head. No, Jim Street is not the man for a thrupple.

Today was supposed to be a relaxed day off. And she still has a lunch date with them. Chris twirls her phone in her hands contemplating to cancel and just get her thoughts together but deep inside she knows, there won't be a conclusion nor a solution if she isn't talking to Ty and Kira.

She gets to packing the boxes away and when nothing in her apartment looks like moving anymore, she is ready to head out.

When Chris arrives at the cafe, she can see them in a booth. Kira clearly is fidgeting nervously.

Chris can't help keeping a distance and just sliding into the bench without as much as a small hello.

"How was your morning?" Ty asks softly and tries to touch her hand, but Chris pulls it away. "Unsettling." Chris sees Ty wants to say something in reply, but she holds up her hand to stop him.

"Let me get this out. I just, I don't even know where to start really. I am confused, shocked, and yes, angry." she stops to take a breath.

"I guess what I want to know is why? Why would you ask me to move in? Why is Kira going out with other people too? Why did no one tell me? I thought I was an equal part in this relationship."

The pair across from her share a look and Ty nods supportively.

Kira's eyes shimmer and her voice is low and raspy. She sounds like she is going to cry. "I wanted to tell you... I didn't know he is your friend."

"That is not the point. Yes, I am angry he got hurt in the process, but my issue is more that I feel cheated on. You said this relationship can only work if we are all open and honest. And you weren't. Is Ty also meeting other women when we are out alone? Is that your method? That's just... That's not working for me." Chris flaps her arms to accentuate her frustration.

"So, what does that mean?" Kira asks with sad eyes.

"I don't know. I really need more time to think. And I really shouldn't move in with you. I just, wow what am I supposed to tell my friends?"

Chris stops herself from blurting out all of the swirling thoughts in her head. She feels horrible.

She agreed to move in with them in front of a lot of her friends and if she now walks away... that will not only hurt her own reputation, but any explanation could also hurt Street. Her mind flashes back to earlier this morning.

Luca had looked so understanding, just as if he knew or at least suspected something.

That was something she needed to ask about later too. Later, on shift. Well, one thing was clear, that was going to be at least a little awkward and she had no idea how to change that. Chris feels a touch to her hand and that pulls her back to the cafe. Kira studies her face intently. "So where does that leave us?"

"I really don't know," Chris admits. "I think I should go and maybe, um maybe in a few days you can try to explain this to me. But to be open, and honest. I don't see this working out."

Now that it is out, it feels final. And still, a little part of Chris hopes that maybe Kira can convince her to stay. Inward she rolls her eyes at herself.

She grabs her stuff and with a small wave leaves the cafe.

Outside Chris takes a deep breath. The air is still cool and at the horizon, she can see black clouds rolling in.

On the drive back to her apartment the rain starts to fall, and Chris can't help but feel like crying herself again.

She rolls up on her couch with a cup of tea, trying to calm herself and think about all of it. Even if it hurts.

Her thoughts bring her back to the moment when Kira told her about Ty the first time. Chris remembers being taken back with that already, but Kira had convinced her to meet the man. And he was ... is great. They both are.

Just their way of life is ... different? New? Unusual?

_Not for me._

Chris gets up and walks around her apartment. She really wants to talk to someone right now. Talk out the mess in her head and heart but calling Street is out of the question. He broke her trust in her eyes. And still, her fingers hover over his contact on her phone.


	2. Chapter 2

Why is she so much more disappointed in him than Ty and Kira? Chris suddenly realizes she might have been too harsh on her friend. She remembers how he talked about Kira. He was happy to a degree and went out with her multiple times.

Chris drove out to a lookout to savor the quiet and get her head back together. She tries hard to remember what had happened leading up to Street in the hospital and out of it again. She remembers the happiness he had exuded every time they came by after shift. Especially on days, Kira had visited him.

Something wasn't sitting right with her. He had told them he had ended it after his injury because he couldn't tell her about being SWAT, that he didn't want to put her through the constant fear. And Chris also remembers that she had been confused by that a lot. Before his release, he had all but said out loud that he imagined an exclusive relationship with Kira.

She feels the need to apologize to Street right about now. Chris surprises herself with that thought and gets back into her truck.

She had been unfair with him.

He had been probably heartbroken when he connected the dots and had suffered in silence, so to speak to spare her the heartbreak.

She feels the need to ask him for clarification, but at the same time, she doesn't really want to know his reasoning for not telling her. He already said he didn't want to be the reason that the relationship doesn't work out... but he is.

Does that mean she made a decision? Can she walk away from Ty and Kira? In Ty's case, it is all but obviously a yes, but Kira? Right about now, Chris isn't sure.

At the exit to her own place Chris gets off the highway and decides to take more time. Think. Maybe text Street an apology. Try to talk with Kira alone. Figure out what is the next step.

Walking to her front door she finds a letter taped to it. No name outside, just a white envelope.

Without hesitation, she pulls it off the door and pulls out the paper.

_Chris,_

_I know you are angry at me.  
And I get that.  
I probably should've said something but what would've happened then?_

Chris reads the letter multiple times and feels awful. Yes, he should've said something but at the same time, even if he didn't outright say it, he was heartbroken himself. And it was an act of self-preservation.

She lets herself go back to that time again. And now, with the knowledge of who he had broken up with she finally recognizes the signs. Her friend had not voluntarily ended his relationship. He had been heartbroken, and in crisis mode the whole damn time.

And she had given him crap about not wanting to come to her birthday party.

Chris is getting angry at herself for treating a friend in need so badly. That the whole situation was hard on him had been obvious by the sheer amount of chaos of alcoholic beverages in Luca's living room.

She pulls out her phone and debates for a second to send a text, but that doesn't seem enough. She swipes to call Street, but it goes to voicemail after the fourth ring. She repeats this game four times until the line picks up.

"Street's phone. Luca speaking." her heart sinks. "Luca? It's Chris is Street around? Can I please talk to him?"

There is an almost uneasy silence on the line. "If he doesn't want to talk to me, just say so. Can you..."

"Chris stop. He left a while ago on his bike, I just now heard his phone. He must've left it here." Luca interrupts.

"Oh," her head goes a million miles a minute. Where could he have gone? How could she make this right, preferably before they all have to be on shift together again?

"Chris? You still there?" Luca reminds her that she is still on the phone.

"Yeah, can you tell him to call me back when he gets home? Tell him I read his letter." Chris can't help the defeated tone she takes.

"Will do. And Chris, I know you've seen my face this morning. I kind of guessed last night. I think he was just trying to do the right thing and..."

"Yeah, I know that now. But what is the right thing in this mess? I just need to tell him that."

Jim is slightly out of breath when he gets back to his bike. He needed that hike. Just some tranquility and exercise to get his head together. He takes a swig from the water bottle in his hand and starts patting his pockets with the other. "Where did I put my phone?" he mumbles.

He looks back to the path and thinks if he might've lost it out there but then remembers he threw it on his bed before he left to tape the letter to Chris's door.

He hadn't even dared to ring the bell. See if she would talk to him.

As if.

She was so angry with him for not saying something. That wouldn't have gone over well.

After a couple more moments he gets on his bike and drives home where he gets greeted by Luca. "Go and return your missed calls. Your phone is pretty annoying..."

"You could've turned it silent!" Jim shrugs walking into his room, towards the ringing.

It takes him a second to locate the device but when he checks the screen, he can't bring himself to answer.

So, he turns it over and clicks the small lever to silent.

He gathers his things and heads for the bathroom in hopes that the next call he gets or makes is actually Chris, so he can apologize in person. And maybe still save their friendship.

He hears muted voices while he steps out of the shower and figures Timo might've come by to play with the pinball machine or one of Luca's car buddies. They seem to drop by at every hour of the day to organize some sort of detail or missing part.

What he didn't expect was Chris sitting at the coffee table stroking Duke and softly talking to the dog.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey," they both say at the same time, and he can see this is as awkward and strange for her as it feels for him. "I am sorry."

He can't help but smirk at their unison continuation.

"Oh, don't you dare!" Chris swats his arm. "Wipe that grin out of your face, or I am just gonna get angry again."

"Sorry," comes his reply with a fake pout. "But seriously, I want to apologize. I know I should've said something, but there never was a right time..." Chris can't watch Jim beat himself up anymore and just puts a hand on his arm.

"It's okay. I get it. I am sorry too. I shouldn't have been that harsh with you. I had my own suspicions already, and I could've asked you about them, but as you said... there never was the right time for that."

She can see his eyes cloud over slightly. "Don't beat yourself up anymore. I am not blaming you. I still need to talk this out with them too. I sort of just yelled at them today, and yeah." Chris flaps her arms. She can't exactly explain what her plan is right now.

"You're staying with them?" Street sounds shocked. And she can't look him in the eyes right now because she has no explanation as to why she hasn't fully ended that relationship.

Deep inside, Chris knows she doesn't want to give up on Kira yet. That part of her still wants to work that out. But how to explain that urge?

"I just, I think I need to give them a chance to explain. To talk and then I can make an informed decision. I mean, I am not moving in. That for sure is a result of you telling me the truth but the rest." again, she can only shrug and watch her friend sink into a ball on the sofa. She desperately wants to make this easier on him, but there is no good way- except breaking it off and hurting herself too.

Chris gets up. "I am sorry. "

Chris takes the rest of her day off to do what she said she'd do. She thinks of everything, but in the end, she knows without talking to at least Kira one more time, she wouldn't feel right. Just walking away.

She shoots Kira a quick text if she is free for breakfast, and after that is confirmed, she falls into bed.

The next morning Chris has a slight nervous flutter in her stomach, and she rolls her eyes at herself in the mirror. It is just breakfast. Nothing major.

In getting ready, Chris puts on her uniform. She probably has to leave for work straight from the cafe, and clipping on her shield feels oddly comforting. A sort of security blanket. To keep her protected.

Walking into the cafe, she sees Kira, but there is not the normal shine in her eyes. Kira looks worried, almost scared.

"Morning," Chris says quietly when she approaches, and for a split second, she can see the smile in Kira's eyes, and it seems she is breathing a little easier now.

"Thank you for meeting me." Kira opens, "I guess I owe you an explanation."

The waitress interrupts and takes their orders.

"You have to hurry?" Kira asks after Chris only orders a small coffee and croissant. "Are you already on shift?" she gestures to the uniform shirt and overall attire.

"Not yet on shift, but yeah, I don't have too long. Can you just explain to me why? How? When?" Chris stops and cringes. "I mean, I know when... so why?"

Kira reaches across the table, and to her own surprise, Chris doesn't pull her hand away. "I never was good at being alone," Chris observes Kira while the strawberry blonde seemingly is fascinated by her hands.

"You could say I needed someone with me, that is not a good explanation, and you deserved to get to know Ty better on your own, without me around complicating things. I just..." "Kira, stop rambling." Chris interrupts and squeezes Kira's hand across the table.

"I surprisingly get it. But what I don't understand is why you never told me? I mean, you introduced me to Ty after our third date." Chris can't help the light accusatory undertones. "I wanted you to meet him. At the pier, Ty was supposed to tell you, but you stayed at home that night." Kira's eyes by now shimmer wet, and Chris knows it is only a matter of time until the tears start rolling.

"I am sorry; we hurt you that night." Chris involuntarily lets out a soft laugh remembering that day. She really hadn't been up for dancing, and she still can't fathom how Street did. Chris feels Kira's hand twitch and squeezes to keep it close. "I am not laughing at you. It was the memory. That day had been hard, and I know you went dancing. I couldn't have done that." Chris's face turns dark. "He really liked you, you know."

After their orders are served, they sip their coffees in silence until Kira speaks up again. "I don't mean to be pushy or anything, but where does that leave us?"

"I am not sure. Kira, I got into this relationship because of you. I want to get to know you better. Yes, Ty is amazing, and you two have been nothing short of perfect with me but, this is a little bit complicated. And I need you to be patient with me."

"Is this more complicated because of ..." Kira starts, but Chris interrupts her. "No, I don't think so." Chris takes a breath. "I mean, on the one hand, it makes me angry he got caught up in this and hid his pain to, I don't know, spare me? That's just..." her last thought gets cut short by her phone. Chris apologizes, "Duty calls. I gotta go, but we can try lunch?"

After a quick peck to the cheek, Chris rushes out and hears Kira call, "I'll text you." The case kept the team busy until late that day. When it was finally time to get out of their gear, Chris was beat but also totally wired.

She hated that she had to run off at breakfast and had to cancel lunch. She still didn't feel like she had said everything she needed to say to Kira and vice versa.

On top of that, Street had been acting weird around her too.

Walking out to her truck, Chris notices his bike is still there, so she decides to just wait for him.

To force him to talk to her if need be.

While she is waiting, she texts Kira that the shift is over and that they maybe can grab coffee tomorrow. Just to talk more.

After about 10 more minutes, Chris grows a little restless. Strangely, Street isn't out yet. She walks inside to look for him.

She finds him in the locker room, just staring at his phone.

"Everything okay?" she asks while taking a seat a little way down from him.

She can see the surprise on his face. "I didn't know you were still here."

"I've been waiting for you. It sort of felt like you are avoiding me. I wanted to know why?"

His face contorts to a grimace. "I am not trying to avoid you, it just, I don't know you said you don't blame me. And I guess all I can ask for is forgiveness, but I don't know I still feel like shit."

"That why you are sitting here staring at your phone?" Chris asks incredulously and raises an eyebrow to call him on his bs.

Again, she can see that question is not one he wants to answer.

"come on. Spill it. Maybe for once, I can help you out and not get into trouble." she tries to make a joke, but the way his expression freezes tells her that it didn't work. His sad, almost scared expression makes Chris scoot closer. But before she can hug him, Street gets up and starts pacing.

"What's wrong? Just get it out", Chris now repeats with a little more force. When his phone starts ringing again, his eyes go wide.

He left it on the bench when he had gotten up, and Chris glances at the display.

Reading Kira's name there sends a little shock to her heart but taking into account Kira's personality, she should have expected that. Chris takes a deep breath and asks, "how long has she been trying to reach you?"

Jim whips his head up and stares at her, confused. "She started calling after your party. I don't know if I want to ...if I can..."

If there is one thing Chris knows about Jim Street for sure, he needs to talk this out. He held this turmoil in him for far too long. "Maybe it can help you? Telling her what you feel." Chris supplies softly the only advice she can think of right now.


	4. Chapter 4

The whole situation is taking its toll not only on her but her best friend is hurting too and that is, in turn, hurting her even more. Chris is running through different what-if scenarios and trying to imagine her own reaction in those.

Only a hand to her arm pulls her out of the almost vicious circle.

"Are you sure you are okay with that?" Jim quietly asks and nods to his phone.

"I will be. I am going to give you the space to talk. See you tomorrow."

Chris tries her best to hide the hurt and tears threatening to spill walking out to her truck.

In her head, she knows they all need to talk, especially Street but it hurts anyway.

"Where do we go from here?" Chris mumbles while starting her truck. On her way home Chris tries to calm herself down by just repeating _"it will work itself out"_ over and over but it doesn't work all that much.

In her head she is the fly on the wall, imagining the conversation Kira might have with Street and for some reason, it always ends with them together and her alone.

After version three or four of that strange daydream, Chris decides to make herself a tea and head to bed. While she is waiting for the kettle her thoughts drift off again. This time though she sees herself with Kira and somewhere in the distance a male figure. Street with a sad expression on his face.

She shakes her head at herself, it will only hurt her head if she tries to figure it all out tonight. The hot tea in the mug warms her hands and she hopes the warm liquid will soothe her body into slumber, just to prevent her imagination from running wild again.

It isn't really her. This nervous anxiety, obsessing over the tiniest things.

The next morning Chris wakes up and feels less than relaxed. She has no memory of her dreams, but they couldn't have been good. A glance in the mirror shows her hair is sticking to all sides... she must've tossed and turned a lot.

Her phone blinks with a message: "Can't wait to have breakfast with you. This time for real."

The nervous flutter is back in an instant and she can't deny she really hopes, this time they will talk. Chris also hopes she can figure out what she wants in this. If it can work?

Her head also reminds her of yesterday, that moment in the locker room, and the conversation that had been had after she left.

Could she actually live with the fact that maybe, just maybe Kira has feelings for Street and vice versa? Would she be able to deal with seeing them together? Where would that leave her?

And for the first time it hits Chris: Where would that leave Ty?

The next morning Chris could enjoy breakfast, they were really off, and she actually was looking forward to talking this out with Kira. Even though she was scared her imagination would prove right.

She beat Kira to their cafe and took a seat so she could observe the sidewalk and the people walking past or inside the cafe.

From a distance, she recognized Ty and Kira walking towards the spot. For a little moment, Chris felt weird. Trying to remember if Ty was planned to come too and then she felt bad. He had every right to have breakfast with them. He was... **is** a part of this relationship.

Something still doesn't sit right with her while she observes the couple approaching.

They aren't holding hands; their fingers are barely grazing each other. But it seems they are talking. At least their lips are moving.

Chris subconsciously straightens her spine just before Ty kisses Kira on the cheek and turns around with a small wave. She lets out a small breath of relief and feels bad again.

"Hey, sorry I am late." Kira offers softly after taking a seat. Her eyes shimmer wet and her makeup doesn't look as perfectly in place as Chris is used to seeing. Her mind runs a little wild again with a million and one possibilities why that might be the case. While still wondering Chris follows her urge and moves around the table to sit next to Kira and hug her from the side.

"What's wrong? Is it because Ty didn't come in with you?"

"No, not entirely." Kira wipes a stray tear from her cheek. "I asked him not to come in with me. I think we need to talk alone first. He didn't fully understand..." Kira tries to explain and grabs a hold of Chris's free hand.

"What doesn't he understand?" Chris is confused as to what Kira is getting at.

Should she ask about yesterday and the call to Street? Chris can't deny she is wondering what that was about and how that went.

"It isn't important now. I don't want to influence you and your decision. I just, I guess we are both afraid of your choice on how to move forward. We both like having you with us. We are good together." Kira lifts her eyes to Chris's and studies her intently.

"Yes, we are but I have some trust issues right now," Chris replies. "I mean I got into this because of you. I want to be with you, Kira. I like Ty and being with you has been nothing short of amazing. I guess I just don't know what to make of this new information."

"Chris, I get it. And I understand that this is so much more complicated because of who Jim is. Not only to you but to me too." Kira tangles their fingers and adds the final sentence so soft Chris can't be immediately sure she heard it. But when she lifts her eyes to Kira and sees a tear escape her eyes it is confirmed.

Suddenly a memory from right after Street left the hospital, the day off hits Chris. Kira and she had been having coffee that afternoon and after Kira got a text, she had been near tears too.

"You really like him, do you?"

"I wouldn't have met up with him more than once if that were not the case," Kira replies and wipes at her tears.

Chris is at a loss here. Her imagination got a lot of things right.

After a while, their silence is interrupted by the breakfast showing up and both women gratefully take the opportunity to have that distraction.

Chris thinks through what she is going to say next. How that will affect herself and all the others around her. The realization that she needs to walk away and as strange as that sounds help her friends work out their relationship is oddly satisfying.

"Kira, I think it might be for the best if we decide on just friends for now. I really like you, but I think you need to work out your feelings first. And I can't get caught up in that. "

"I understand." Kira squeezes Chris's hand.

"I talked to Jim yesterday." she continues and Chris nods.

"I know, I convinced him to take your call. He was deeply hurt and confused." Chris adds in a soft voice.

Kira still sniffles slightly but the tears have stopped. A smile graces her lips.

"He is a great guy, and I am sorry I hurt him. I wanted to tell him, but I also realized through my time with him, he isn't the type for our lifestyle. He is more of the one-woman type of guy. When he loves he loves with his whole heart."

Chris listens and feels the stabs to the heart. The knife is virtually twisting. She always knew somewhere inside that serial dater was an amazing guy. And she had thought that he had shown up when he had started this monogamous lifestyle - with Kira. Her heart breaks for her friend. Both of them. The woman sitting across from her and the man they are talking about.

"Have you told him that?" Chris asks into the little pause Kira is making in her statement. "Is that why Ty seemed a little angry?"

"Ah, no." Kira breaks out into an almost smirk and shakes her head while laughing softly. "Ty isn't angry because Jim is amazing. Ty is more confused about why I decided to try and help Jim work out his feelings. Or better yet admit to his feelings."

Chris is confused and can't make head or tails of that statement.

"I am not following. What are you saying? Are you going out with him again? You just said..."

A squeeze to her hand stops Chris's waterfall of words.

"Hey, look at me," Kira says and waits until Chris lifts her eyes to her face. "When I first met Jim, he was very open about the fact he only went looking for a date on the app we met on because he wanted to forget about someone."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris makes a surprising decision...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, for the delay... Life happened.

Chris raises her eyebrows in surprise. She thought back again about the stories Street usually told about his "dates" and from memory, there was no one serious enough. Or maybe he hadn't shared? But he had shared about Kira, a lot.

She shakes her head at her own thoughts and then focuses back on to the other side of the table.

"Are you sure that wasn't just a line?" Chris says and cringes at the same time. She knows deep inside that he wouldn't stoop so low. From personal experience, he would probably simply flash one of his trademark smiles and most women would just forget everything around them.

Kira stares at Chris surprised.

"No, that wasn't a line. I saw it in his eyes on our first date. He was attentive but his thoughts were somewhere else. I am not sure he has worked through his feelings by now, but probably not. That is why I want to help him. Be there for him and maybe figure out a way for him to open up."

Kira maintains eye contact with Chris throughout and Chris can't help but feel she is being blamed a little for leaving Street on his own with his problems. But she hadn't told him to not talk to her. They are friends. Right?

Chris is confused and her concentration on Kira is slipping. Her mind is consumed by thoughts and ideas surrounding Streets apparent secret-keeping. Had she missed any signs?

Which of the many past girls could Kira be referring to?

"I am sorry, but I don't get it. He never mentioned anyone serious before you."

Kira smiles at Chris and it looks like the shimmer in her eyes is coming back to give them a serene clarity.

"I won't break his confidence. But Chris I am sure you know who she is," she says with a squeeze of Chris's hands before getting up, "I have to leave, or I will be late for my meeting. Can we do this again? Soon? As friends?"

After Kira has left Chris still sits in that booth for quite a while, slowly sipping her coffee and trying to figure out what is next. That first conclusion that they will try to stay friends was something she hadn't expected. But what had she expected? For Kira to fight? For Ty to be a part of that conversation about friendship?

Her thoughts go back to the last time she considered Ty before now. How did this whole thing affect him? From what she understood he knew about Kira being out with another man. How did he manage to live with that knowledge? She is already struggling with sharing Kira with Ty.

Chris pays and walks to her truck contemplating if she should call Ty and ask him to talk. Or just tell him about her conversation with Kira.

She throws her phone into the center console and drives to HQ. Maybe a workout will help get her thoughts in order.

When she walks into the locker room, she hears the showers running but can't see directly who might be in there. She hadn't exactly paid attention to the board and who was working and such.

Figuring she'd get enough of a warning if the shower stopped, she starts to change right in the room. To her surprise and to disprove Murphy's law she is already changed when the water stops.

The door clicks open when she is bending down to lace up her trainers and, in an instant, she knows who just walked into the room. Chris feels the hair on her arms stand up and she is all too aware of the pictures in her mind. She can't stop herself from glancing to her side.

"I'll be out in a sec." she stammers out before all but fleeing the room. For some reason she can't be in the same room as Street right now and that look on his face right now? He didn't look surprised more scared to see her there.

Why?

Chris makes a note to first work out her newfound nerves around him and then confront Jim Street head-on, about what Kira had said. There was a niggling feeling in the back of her head that Kira might have tried to tell her that she was the one... but that didn't make sense, right? How do you forget someone you see every day?

Shift was fairly hectic and busy, and Chris was beyond grateful for that. She didn't have time to get caught in her head and overthink whatever was going on.

She tried not to stare at Street wondering too often and keep her nerves in check. At one point she actually thought about how ridiculous the idea is that Street could be talking about her. They are friends. And he never seriously said anything.

But she can't shake the feeling she needs to really sit down and talk this out with him. If he wants to be with Kira, that will be something she has to come to terms with. She had after all broken up with them, for all intents and purposes that's what friends should mean. Even Ty had acknowledged that shift in their relationship.

Chris had briefly talked to Ty on the phone over their very short lunch break. Chris flashes back to that moment when she had come back around Black Betty after hanging up with Ty and agreeing to coffee with him. That moment when she had almost walked straight into Street. He had looked a little embarrassed and hurt.

After changing into her civvies Chris summons all her courage and walks over to Jim. "Hey, can we... do you have time later? To talk?"

Chris hangs her head and has almost started turning away when he replies.

"Yeah, I can make time. Is everything okay?"

She can hear his concern and Chris wonders how she deserves a friend as caring as he is. But what is she supposed to say? Is everything okay?

"Chris? What's going on? You are scary quiet?" Street teases her and she can't help the glare she is sending his way.

„Scary?"

He lifts his hands in defense.

"Sorry, if you don't want to talk here. I get it." he shrugs his head around the locker room and Chris nods.

"I'll get some pizza and you come over later?" she offers and waits for his nod of approval.

Now there is no way out anymore. He will come over and she has to figure out what to ask.

Chris is pacing in her apartment and cursing her own spontaneity.

"Why did I invite him over?" she mumbles while walking to the fridge and pulling out a bottle of beer. The hope the cool liquid will calm her down dispels in seconds.

Why is this evening different? It shouldn't be. They had hung out here or at Luca's multiple times before. Her head supplies Kira's name rather quickly. And she curses again.

Why does this have to be so complicated?

Her swirling thoughts get interrupted by a knock on her door. She squares her shoulders and pulls the door open.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's see how that conversation goes... thanks for sticking this out with me.

Street looks as insecure about this evening as she feels, and Chris can't help the smile that spreads noticing that. She steps aside to let Street enter.

Chris passes him a fresh bottle of beer and opens the pizza carton. For a while, there is silent enjoyment of the food, but she can feel Street growing restless and if Chris were honest with herself the silence is getting more awkward and almost deafening by the minute.

So, she is not exactly surprised it is Street who starts their conversation, after all, he is the more talkative between the two of them.

"Chris, I really am sorry, but I wanted to say thank you for yesterday. I needed that conversation. Thank you for forcing me..." Chris holds up her hand.

"Stop, you don't need to apologize. You did what you did to keep your heart safe. I can't fault you for that." she takes a deep breath. This is harder than she imagined at first. "I," she stops again. "This is though. I had breakfast with Kira this morning."

"And you made plans with Ty," he adds. Chris would swear she can hear the sadness in his statement or is that just imagination? Wishful thinking?

Her mind almost does a double-take, and she whispers to herself "What was that?"

Chris shakes her head at herself and turns to look at Street.

"So, you heard on me on the phone with ty?"

She tries to keep her voice casual and stable but to her ears the shake is audible. Chris sees the apologetic smile before Jim starts talking.

"I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but I walked by and ..." he shrugs his shoulders and takes a breath. „So, you are staying with them? I mean breakfast with Kira now coffee with Ty. sound like you worked it out."

She can see he tries to be happy for her but his slightly sunken in shoulders and all-around hunched composure paint a different picture.

"Street, yes I had breakfast with Kira and yes I'll be meeting Ty but just to talk. There hasn't been a final decision yet. For now, they are my friends. The relationship with them has been better than most, or all of my previous one on one relationships even if this situation is messed up. " she takes a sip of her beer and tries to figure out how to broach the topic that is still occupying her mind ever since Kira mentioned it.

"Street can I ask you about something Kira mentioned?" Chris softly opens the door to the scary part of their conversation. She can see the surprise and _fear_ in his eyes but he nods his head anyway but before she can form the question Jim interjects, "What did she say?"

And now Chris is sure he is scared of what comes next.

She reaches out and puts a hand in his arm in hopes of being reassuring.

"I feel horrible for even needing to ask this. I thought we are friends. Now I am not so sure anymore if I ever was a good friend to you. Maybe I've been too wrapped up in my own world. I am sorry for that."

Seeing his confused look Chris stops and thinks back over that statement.

"Sorry," she grimaces, "that made little sense. Kira told me you told her you were trying to forget someone when you met and I feel, like I said, horrible that I didn't realize you were so serious about a girl. That I didn't see you needed a friend. I am sorry I was preoccupied with figuring out this thing with them and not there for you."

"Chris, stop. You weren't supposed to know. I didn't ... I couldn't tell you and risk losing you." Jim hastily interrupts her rambling.

He can see it in her face, the second his words register fully. The slight widening of her eyes and the clear shock on her face.

He gives Chris a few moments to collect her thoughts and say something. He wholeheartedly expects to be thrown out now. This is the exact thing he was afraid of. Chris deciding if she still can be his friend if he is open about his feelings.

"You wouldn't have lost me." It is barely a whisper but when his eyes find hers, he knows she just said that. Chris must've surprised herself because her hands cover her mouth and face almost immediately.

He knows the smartest move right now would be to leave but then he is sure there is no way back. Jim pushes of the chair and walks over to Chris. Crouching in front of her.

"I probably should leave. I am sorry. Like I said I never wanted to risk losing you."

He has nearly reached the door when Chris calls out.

"How were you planning on forgetting me?"

And his heart stops. He remembers that line. He really had tried, but in all reality, he could never forget her.

Not even if he left.

His shoulders slump and he turns back slowly. And just seeing Chris in that moment, feet curled under herself, tears on her face, he can't walk out that door. Jim rushes over to her and just holds her. He is grateful that she lets him be here. And that fuels the hope, that even if it will be hard for a while, they can salvage their friendship.

Chris can't stop the tears and cries even harder when he does the kind thing and stays to hold her. The comfort of knowing he is still there for her even in all of this awkward mess finally gets through to her brain. Slowly the tears subside, and she leans her head against his shoulder. When her breathing has returned to normal, she lifts her eyes to his.

"If you say sorry one more time..." he says it with humor, but she knows he is serious. She just was about to say sorry for crying, for hurting him, for being clueless. But mostly for keeping him in her presence. And never wanting him to leave.

Chris can't help the small gasp escaping after that thought had hit her, and Jim's reaction, pulling away, leaves behind a cold shudder.

She tries to put a smile on her face, but it doesn't seem to work because Jim still looks worried.

"I guess we have some figuring out to do." She says softly and curls up again to keep some of his warmth close.

Chris observes him quietly from her place for a while. She knows he is trying to find a solution to this situation. All on his own. She can see his hands ball into fists multiple times, and she can't take it anymore. He is torturing himself, agonizing about his thoughts, and keeping them inside because he doesn't want to hurt her or push her away. She just has to tell him one more time: "Jim, will you look at me for this?" She opens and waits for his eyes to find hers in the reflection of the window "We have some work to do. But you won't lose me if you don't pull away."

"I am not trying to, but I can't be here either," Jim admits after a while.

He looks down to the floor. He knows he just hurt her. But staying here and maybe helping her work through her feelings and then going back to them... he can't do that. As much as he craves her company it breaks his heart.

He can hear her move and he stiffens his shoulders seconds before he feels her hand.

"Street, I get that. And I am not trying to hurt you. I just want to understand and help you. You deserve to be happy." The soft tremble in her voice almost kills him.

He slowly turns around, trying to figure out what to say next. What is she trying to imply?

"So, what next?" He asks trying to hold her gaze, and not letting her read too much.

"Now, we both make a deal and promise each other that whatever happens next we will talk." She starts and he can't help raising his eyebrows. Her reaction is swatting his arm. "Yes, talk. I mean it. I can't say what the future holds I just, I realized that we need to communicate and not hide from the other if we want to keep our friendship."

Chris's head drops after that and Jim feels his heart break a little bit. After everything tonight, she seems to be only interested in being his friend.

Is it worth it to settle for that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think so far? Feedback is greatly appreciated :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So let's see how they solve their mess... Enjoy.

Never before had sitting in the silence of her apartment felt so uncomfortable. Chris again felt herself near tears waiting for Jim to say something, anything to her offer to talk out whatever was next. She had expected he would agree to that quickly and she was really going to try and be open and honest with him. But this right now, with him staying quiet was scary. Involuntary her head shoots up when he finally says something.

"What if I don't want to be your friend?" They just stare at each other for a moment. "I mean, I want to be in your life, I want you in mine and I know you have your rules, and we will never be more than friends. After seeing what Thompson did to you, I can't blame you it will just be hard. Let me be as clear as I can: Chris I held back with you because you asked me to. I tried to move on, but you have to know I could never forget you. You are my best friend, my partner."

Chris feels his fingers cover hers and she slowly lifts her eyes. She can see the perfect storm in his.

This is his truth, and she keeps hurting him.

"I never saw behind that mask of yours. I only ever saw the self-assured cop who thought hitting on me was okay. And then you became my closest friend. I don't want to lose you, but I don't want to hurt you either. You deserve to be happy. I thought you were happy..."

She lets her last thought trail off. It wouldn't help to circle back to Kira.

Right now, they…, she needs to decide what she is going to do. She said they would talk about anything that happens, but this clarification of his feelings was a roadblock in her head. What was the way forward?

Through her swirling thoughts, she feels a squeeze to her hands.

"I am going to leave and when you had time for yourself, we can try this talking thing again." Even behind his humor, Chris can hear the defeat but she remains quiet.

Chris's head is all over the place. Her heart feels like it is being torn in two. If there has ever been a time, she was grateful for being on late shift this time around, it was now. She would have some time before she had to go in tomorrow and face Street again. She knows this is all hard on him too, but she can't see a solution right now. And there is still that feeling deep down that she needs to, wants to work this out with Kira. There is a connection she felt almost from the moment they had met, and it had nearly broken once, back when she had learned about Ty.

Chris hits the sofa cushion frustrated. Frustrated with herself, with the people in her life. Angry at the complications and what untangling this could do to her reputation.

And suddenly the thought train stops. Is that really what is important right now? Her reputation?

She grabs her phone, contemplating to cancel on Ty for coffee and text Hondo she needs a personal day (or two) and do some deep soul searching to figure out what is what.

The one thing keeping her from doing that is the knowledge that she would just hurt everyone involved by that and Street would probably show up here or call her.

Thinking about Street and his final words, "we will try this talking again", as scary as that thought is, brings a smile back to her face.

He really is her best friend. He supports her through every mess she makes. She knew he is a gentle soul behind all that bravado. And then her mind takes her back to all the little things she had thought of him just hitting on her.

The journey is relatively sad in the end, especially when she thinks back to the moment, she told him about Ty. The little digs and the way he had joked about having nothing to worry about.

The next morning Chris decides to start her day with a long run. She needs to clear her mind and she hopes that the exertion will help with that.

As she starts along the familiar paths, she observes the people along the road. Other runners, families on a stroll, couples in all sorts of emotional states. Her phone reminder tells her she'll need to get back home and shower, quickly, before she can head out to coffee with Ty.

Although she has no idea how to explain her head right now, she knows she owes him this personal meeting. He was very understanding on the phone already. Almost encouraging her to open up about everything. And for the first time, she felt she could tell Ty her most inner thoughts.

Chris lets out a small laugh and shakes her head at herself. For some reason, she only now realized she had always held back with Ty.

After her shower, she checks her appearance in the mirror. She resists putting on any makeup. Going into work after that coffee she shouldn't anyway, and she wants Ty to see her.

Chris can't explain that train of thought, but it stays with her until she reaches the cafe.

Ty greets her with a smile and a hug. And she can't deny she feels the warmth of the embrace and she knows she would miss them. Him.

"Chris, I know you are not happy with us. And we should've been more open about all of this. I guess we were just afraid of losing you." Ty tries to explain at first, but Chris can see it in his eyes. The situation is also hard on him and so she decides to take this conversation in a different direction.

"Can I ask you something?" she asks studying his face. He seems surprised but agrees anyway. "Yes, of course. Ask me anything."

Chris lowers her gaze to the table for a second, trying to form the words, sound them out in her head before voicing her thoughts. "Have you ever told Kira; you don't want to share her?"

She can see his surprise. He didn't expect that question.

"I asked her to marry me, didn't I?" It is stated as fact, but Chris hears the insecurity behind the words. She reaches over to cover his hand with hers. "And yet I was with you, and Marisa before me. And Kira went out with ..." she can't bring herself to finish that sentence, especially not when she sees the turmoil on Ty's face. Chris takes a breath and then continues. "You didn't, you don't like that she is going out with other people when we are…were together." Ty nods with a sad smile. "Tell her?" Chris softly nudges.

"I don't know if I can. Isn't it unfair of me to expect her to be alone when I spend time with someone else?" He sounds defeated.

"You can, and you absolutely should if that is how you are feeling. It will hurt you and her in the long run. Ty, I know this is not ideal and if I were being completely honest, I think I want to have that happiness with Kira," she can see the heightened fright in his eyes. She knows he is likely scared to the bone to lose the love of his life. "But I can see how perfect you two are for each other. You have to say something and talk with her alone. Maybe really try this thing just the two of you. You are getting married soon and shouldn't you be sure it is what you want before that?"

She studies his expression, and she can see the tears building in his eyes.

She squeezes his hand again.

"No fear. Just truth and it will work out!" She tries to put as much conviction behind her statement as she can. Her heart is breaking a little, but she knows that more than likely if Kira had to make a choice between her and Ty, she would choose the man who has been by her side for a couple of years now. And if they are happy, Chris hopes she can find her happy too.

However that will look like.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well Hello again, thanks for stopping by :) Let's see if I can write a convincing case (or not)... Enjoy.

She knows seeing Street now will be awkward, but it was cathartic to talk with Ty who had left her with a question for her head to ponder. Walking into HQ she can feel some of the nervous energy already disappear. Getting her head into work mode is easy, especially if she is the first to arrive. Glancing at her watch and the training schedule Chris decides to go for a light workout.

She observes other teams moving in and out of the rotunda and when Rocker approaches if she can roll out with them Chris is quick to agree.

Out of the back of the armored vehicle, she shoots a text to Hondo even if he would also hear about this at HQ directly. The reply is quick. "Come back in one piece!"

Chris smiles at her phone. Yeah, that is why she loves her team that much. They always treat her like the little sister but respect her as an officer.

The entry job seems easy enough. From witness statements three young men have taken over the check exchange and demand someone open the safe. Unfortunately for them, the manager is still outside as he was on break when they stormed in.

Rocker and Hicks are in deep discussion while Chris stands to the side with Erika. It feels a little weird. Two female officers standing aside from the command truck, but they have the best vantage point to look inside from right here.

"You know we could ditch the uniform and gear and pretend to be customers if we try the back sides of the store." Erika suddenly says and Chris follows where she is pointing.

"You think they have a second entry?" Chris is a little concerned. And it is highly unusual for these places to have a second entry. "It isn't in the building blueprints."

"There is a window in the blueprints, and if they have it low enough or big enough..." Erika continues and then points out the final thing that also has Chris convinced. "Do you see the wear pattern in the alley? It looks like continuous foot traffic down there."

She glances back to the command trailer where Rocker and Hicks are still in talks with the manager. They probably all have seen the window in the back and have it considered for entry. But the information about the foot traffic. Something didn't feel right.

Chris knew they had to be discreet now. A short exchange with Erika and Chris strolls over to Hicks.

He must've read her face really well or already have his own doubts about the "help" provided by the place's manager.

"What do you have?" He asks her the moment they are alone. Chris turns to the blueprints that now have been updated with the security camera layout.

"This alley here has high foot traffic from the looks. The only way that is logical is if there is something of interest back there. And the only thing I could think of, well Rogers could think of this is her idea, is that something is going on with that window."

"I got the same impression just listening to this guy trying to explain why he had two cameras installed to cover that final stretch of the alley and one at the entry to the alley."

Chris stares at the camera layout and thinks back to her conversation with Erika.

She can see on the monitors that the situation inside goes south quicker now. One of the employees tried to play hero and shots have been fired. "We, meaning Rogers and me, could dress civilian and approach from behind. So even if we are on the cameras before you cut power, we look..."

"Let me stop you. The general idea is good but cutting power won't kill the cameras. They run on a backup system."

Chris's gut now tells her that there definitely is going on more than just a check exchange place being held up.

"Grab Benni, to take your place and grab Rogers and get prepped." Hicks dismissed her after a little silence.

Chris is almost finished, just a last touch of lipstick and pulling out the elastic to free her hair when she turns around. Erika looks about as ready as can be but nervous.

"Don't worry. We are only out there to secure the backside." Chris tries to reassure the other woman.

"It's not that. We are not exactly able to wear body armor and I am guessing coms are out of the question." She gestures to their respective outfits. "I guess with the flowy tops we can at least carry a gun." And cracks a smile.

A knock to the outside of the truck leads them to turn to the door at attention.

"You two ready? We need you in position before 20 David makes the approach from above." They hear before Chris pushes the door open to reveal the commander himself.

"Ready to go, sir. Just need to clarify communication." Chris reports.

"We are going old school. Headphones and what Rocker calls a party line." Chris would swear she can see a youthful twinkle in the eyes behind the sunglasses. The smirk on his lips just furthers that impression.

Chris and Erika grab the headphones and their respective phones. Both looking a little surprised when the commander begins dialing. "Yes, you get me on the party line. And now move."

He dismisses them into the action.

Chris still hears him reporting. "R commander to all D teams, two plainclothes females getting into place."

She can feel the nervous energy in Erika and usually it would be all okay, but this is a little different. They have no real idea where their backup is and it is weird only having Hick in her ear throughout this approach. Chris reaches over and links their hands in a squeeze. "Trust in your Training." She whispers to Erika and she gets the nervous smile in return.

From the distance, they already hear a helicopter approaching. "Please don't be the press" Chris whispers when they round the corner to the backside of the building.

"24 and 56 David in position. Trying the window now." Erika reports in at the same time.

"If that is press, I am Miss Moneypenny!" Erika quips while inspecting the window before taking a step closer and putting her fingers down at the lower edge. "I think it is unlatched, but ..." she trails off and Chris nods. This feels weird. Why train, not one but at least two cameras they know of, on this part of the building if you leave the window unlatched?

"Could someone have left the building this way and this is why?" Chris thinks out loud. She steps closer to Erika as the helo is now perfectly above them and they can practically see the eagle at the side.

In her head, Chris knows they have to hurry up. That on the helo most probably is the rest of her team prepping the entry from above.

"Can you see if there are any security measures on the window that could give us away if we try lifting the window?" she asks Erika who is still checking the frame as best as she can.

"nothing obvious. I am going for it." Erika confirms with Hicks and then slowly pushes the window upward. They strain their ears to hear any sounds apart from the helicopter now flying away again. Nothing. If there is an alarm connected it is silent.

It is time.

With nods, they confirm their entry to each other and pull the only weapons they have with them out. Their guns.

Chris motions for Erika to climb in first while she tries to cover the room from the outside.

They are in what appears to be a storage area and when their eyes have fully accustomed to the darker interior Chris can make out a few storage shelves with cleaning supplies a large safe, as expected, and at least two larger gun safes.

"Sir, did the manager say anything about having weapons on the premises?" Chris radios in.

Chris had just finished speaking when they both heard something. It sounded like something heavy had dropped above their heads. Both whirl around to focus their eyes to the sound. In one corner of the room is a ceiling latch.

"How did we miss that?" Chris whispers and searches Erika's eyes. A nod confirming, they would do this approach, slow and stealth.

They silently agree to take up safe positions. Chris is getting acutely aware they are not protected and any stray or worse a direct hit could be deadly. She is the responsible one in this scenario.

She has seniority and the pressure is on.


End file.
